I wonder who the real me is all the time. I am probably my most authentic self when I am with my twin sister Elizabeth or with my parents. No matter how hard I try to be as open with my husband (we’ve been married 11 years), there is still part of me that thinks that he just doesn’t fully get me in the same way as my parents and sister who have known me my whole life (nearly 37 years) whereas he’s known me 13 years.
The person I am at church is also quite different because as a Christian there are some expectations inherent in being a wife and mother. I can’t necessarily explain exactly what is different about me, but I think I hold my tongue a bit more and keep my more unpopular political opinions/views out of the accepted topics of conversation.
I am also an infant teacher which means there’s a decent amount of time spent faking a positive attitude and preternatural patience. I have a lot of patience of course and I love the babies and my job. But no one really likes when multiple babies start screaming at the same time, so I just fake it until they eventually calm down. I also pretend to be a bit more of a people person with parents. I am a chatty introvert, but I don’t love small talk. I do it because it is expected!
Mmmm yes, I hear a lot of this! I think many of us have to perform some aspect of our jobs. And certainly who we are around different members of family and different friends and social circles makes sense. I wonder how redefining ourselves to bring more of these parts together would impact your sense of identity? Thanks so much for reading thoughtfully and sharing <3
Laura mentioned in her note a poem I wrote at 16 called Beauty Queen Smile and my 10th grade English Teacher Ms. Colvin told me about the existentialist work We Wear the Mask. Looking back I realize part of my problem at defining myself was literally masking my ND brain. But motherhood in particular had that quality of taking over a significant part of my identity and trying to redefine myself as my boys get older is an ongoing process. Like my sister I think I am most authentic with her and my family of origin. I think I am getting there with my husband and the extended Heydary family. My husband recently asked me what was my substack for exactly, like who was my audience? And I told him it is literally anyone who wants to feel seen. Most of the time it’s mothers who are in a similar stage of life, sometimes it’s women looking back at this time of their life, but ultimately any time someone sees themselves reflected in writing or any creative work, I view that as a win.
Love all your work and your book is on my ever present TBR pile!
Love a 10th grade english teacher impacting how you were perceiving yourself! Motherhood is one of those that really throws a curveball in all of this. Thanks as always for reading, Elizabeth <3
Your TBR pile is out of control sissy! But I love watching you navigate trying to define yourself after kids. It encourages me to see your effort, and so I want to try too!
I wonder who the real me is all the time. I am probably my most authentic self when I am with my twin sister Elizabeth or with my parents. No matter how hard I try to be as open with my husband (we’ve been married 11 years), there is still part of me that thinks that he just doesn’t fully get me in the same way as my parents and sister who have known me my whole life (nearly 37 years) whereas he’s known me 13 years.
The person I am at church is also quite different because as a Christian there are some expectations inherent in being a wife and mother. I can’t necessarily explain exactly what is different about me, but I think I hold my tongue a bit more and keep my more unpopular political opinions/views out of the accepted topics of conversation.
I am also an infant teacher which means there’s a decent amount of time spent faking a positive attitude and preternatural patience. I have a lot of patience of course and I love the babies and my job. But no one really likes when multiple babies start screaming at the same time, so I just fake it until they eventually calm down. I also pretend to be a bit more of a people person with parents. I am a chatty introvert, but I don’t love small talk. I do it because it is expected!
Mmmm yes, I hear a lot of this! I think many of us have to perform some aspect of our jobs. And certainly who we are around different members of family and different friends and social circles makes sense. I wonder how redefining ourselves to bring more of these parts together would impact your sense of identity? Thanks so much for reading thoughtfully and sharing <3
Laura mentioned in her note a poem I wrote at 16 called Beauty Queen Smile and my 10th grade English Teacher Ms. Colvin told me about the existentialist work We Wear the Mask. Looking back I realize part of my problem at defining myself was literally masking my ND brain. But motherhood in particular had that quality of taking over a significant part of my identity and trying to redefine myself as my boys get older is an ongoing process. Like my sister I think I am most authentic with her and my family of origin. I think I am getting there with my husband and the extended Heydary family. My husband recently asked me what was my substack for exactly, like who was my audience? And I told him it is literally anyone who wants to feel seen. Most of the time it’s mothers who are in a similar stage of life, sometimes it’s women looking back at this time of their life, but ultimately any time someone sees themselves reflected in writing or any creative work, I view that as a win.
Love all your work and your book is on my ever present TBR pile!
Love a 10th grade english teacher impacting how you were perceiving yourself! Motherhood is one of those that really throws a curveball in all of this. Thanks as always for reading, Elizabeth <3
Your TBR pile is out of control sissy! But I love watching you navigate trying to define yourself after kids. It encourages me to see your effort, and so I want to try too!
I want to hear more about this stylist
Anytime friend! It was a really good business decision!!!
Loved this, thank you.
Thank you for reading <3